I’ve decided that I’m going to turn my back on the “A” word.
No, not that one. I actually like that one. In certain
situations, it just plain fits J
The “A” word I’m rejecting is absolute. Dictionary.com
provides this as its first definition of absolute: free from imperfection, complete,
perfect.
I’ve read a lot of blog posts, magazine articles, internet
articles, etc. on parenting. I’m a full-time mom after all, so reading up on
ways to improve my game seemed like a good idea. Now I’m not so sure. Now I’m
pretty sure that I need to be a lot more selective about what voices and what
messages I let in.
If I look at my mothering in terms of absolutes, I lose.
Every time. Never yell at your kids. NEVER. Fail. Always respond in a calm tone
and in an age-appropriate manner. ALWAYS. Again, fail. Breastfeeding your baby
is the only way to truly nourish and bond with your baby. ONLY. Yet again,
fail.
I found myself feeling a little beaten down by all of these
messages last week. Then, in what I can only call a moment of pure serendipity,
I went to meet my running group. And I didn’t run. Instead, I spent more than
an hour walking - and talking - with two wonderful women. Women who, without knowing it, said
just the right things to me. The things I needed to hear to give me that smidge
of validation I needed and the courage to reject the absolutes in all of those
messages.
See, I have a roadmap of sorts as a mom. A plan guided by a
compass. The points of my compass include love, faith, fun and learning. I’m
focusing on helping my beans figure out who they are and how to be their own
bests. Not THE best, but their own bests. Big difference.
Will there be yelling sometimes? As I’ve covered in a
previous post – yep! Is my tone always calm and measured? Um, no. Are my
responses always well thought out and age-appropriate? Not exactly. Did I
struggle with and ultimately not succeed at nursing two out of three times? You
betcha.
If I evaluate my performance as a mother in absolute terms,
I’m not doing so hot. So I’m going to choose to see myself through
eyes that are realistic. Eyes that are kind as well as challenging. Eyes that
will see the good at the same time they recognize the ways in which I can improve.
And I can. I will. Every day.
Because there is one absolute in my life as a mommy.
I love my beans.
ABSOLUTELY
